By Dr. Herukhuti
Originally published in Conjuring Black Funk: Notes on Culture, Sexuality and Spirituality, Volume 1
Do You Remember by Herukhuti
do you remember
what they told us
they told us
“you are having sex with everyone he ever had sex with”
and you wondered why
the sex didn’t feel better
last longer
with all these other motherfuckers
in the picture
do you remember
do you remember
do you remember
what they told us
what they told us
what they told us
they told us
“the consistent and proper use of a condom
drastically reduces your risk
of HIV infection”
a latex sleeve reduced
our sexual risk
while we could be
jailed for the sex
we were having
our sex was pathologized, demonized, ostracized
our sex was filled
with self-hatred, guilt, shame
objectification, envy, and rage
they called that safe
how the fuck is a condom
going to protect you from
a nigga that hates himself
and hates you for loving him
how’s a condom going to
protect you from wanting
that motherfucker’s dick
up in you in the first place
do you remember
do you remember
do you remember
what they told us
what they told us
what they told us
they told us
“HIV is the virus that causes AIDS”
yet they had no causes
only correlates
they made the AIDS definition
and infected HIV with it
then said HIV causes AIDS
what about the cause of HIV
where’d that come from
why did it come at that time
did they tell you
green monkeys, africans, haitians were targeted
but did you find the answers
where are the answers now
do you remember
do you remember
do you remember
what they told us
what they told us
what they told us
they told us
“AIDS is the leading cause of death among… ”
AIDS is leading the cause of death
like Martin Luther King or Farrakhan
leading marches on Washington
like Caesar Chavez
working for economic social justice in the fields
like Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman
working for women’s rights and human rights
like complex Angela D
struggling against the prison industry
AIDS is a freedom fighter leading the cause of death
do you remember
do you remember
do you remember
what they told us
what they told us
what they told us
they told us
“AIDS equals Death”
and thousands of people
who passed third grade math
prepared to die
so many people got ready
to die of AIDS
there wasn’t enough
preparation to live with HIV
T cells got higher viewer ratings
than the Cosby Show and Cheers combined
T cells went up and down
more than park trade
on a dick at 2 am in the morning
do you remember
do you remember
do you remember
what they told us
what they told us
what they told us
they told us
“only immediate family may be present”
and we were discarded
along with precious pieces of people
we loved
as family cared for as family
when family was neither
immediate nor familial
do you remember
do you remember
do you remember
what they told us
what they told us
what they told us
they told us
“he has 3-6 months to live”
and they tried to get us
to stuff a life
into the container of
one moment
one action
do you remember
do you remember
do you remember
what they told us
what they told us
what they told us
they told us
“here are your test results”
and we were scared shitless
because there was that one time
I knew I shouldn’t but
that nigga had me open
and he looked ok
he was clean
didn’t have any
cuts, bruises, open sores, swollen nodes or glands,
scaly skin, drawn cheeks,
blotchy spots, really low muscle mass
do you remember
do you remember
do you remember
what they told us
what they told us
what they told us
they told us
“your test came back positive”
and life stopped
and started again
all our worst fears became true
we wept
on our knees on the floor
in a fetal position
knees pressed
against our beating hearts
But we lived
and we died
But we lived
and we died
But we lived
and we died
do you remember
what they told us
what they told us
what they told us
